40 of the Best and Worst Harry Potter PickUp Lines
by magic.is.out.there
Summary: Exactly what the title says - read how different characters from different eras hit on each other using these pick-up lines! Will it lead to love or a slap across the face?
1. Filch and Pince

**Disclaimer – I do not own anything u recognise **

**So this pick-up line with is filch and madam pince ;) its been rattling in my brain for a while now, and it made me gag and laugh at the same time writing it :D the pick-up line is underlined**

The library was closed for the night and Madam Pince was at her desk, seething. A boy called Neville Longbottom had not returned his book within the limited time. Stroking her wand, she vowed the boy would regret the day he ever crossed Irma Pince.

She heard the door creak open, she whipped her sharp face up and was about to shout at the student who dared enter the library after hours, but then her face softened. It was Argus Filch.

She was wearing a lovely (in her twisted impression) brown suit and was smiling shyly at her as he shuffled up to her.

He leaned over her desk to her and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I don't have a pass but I was still hoping I could visit your Resticted Section tonight," he murmured seductively, his eyebrows waggling.

"Oh, Argus…" whispered Pince, her voice coming out as a rasp as she pulled him into a kiss, all thoughts of Neville Longbottom and over-due books forgotten.

She pushed him roughly against a book-case and began unzipping his trousers…

"Meow?" Mrs. Norris appeared beside them, watching them her with her lamp-like, yellow eyes which had suddenly filled up with tears.

But the two lovers ignored her and Mrs. Norris padded out of the library, heartbroken.

_**The next day**_

Harry and Ginny sat down at a table in the library, Ginny preparing to study hard for her upcoming OWL's. But Harry spotted something transparent and wrinkled on his chair.

He picked it up in confusion, "Eh Ginny? Do you know what this is?"

Ginny looked up and saw the condom in his hand and glared furiously at him.

_SLAPPPPPP._

"How dare you! I am _not _a whore! No matter what Ron might think!" Ginny shouted at a bemused Harry, before rushing out of the library in tears.

Madam Pince came around a book-shelf and angrily snapped, "_No shouting!" _Then she spotted the condom in his hand and blushed.

"Oh, errrr I'll take that…" She whipped it out of Harry's hand and scuttled off.

"_What in the name of Merlin's left-arse cheek was that?"_

**Awww poor harry was confused **** tell me what you think! **


	2. Sirius and Marlene

**Tanx to all those who reviewed/updated/alertd ! :D **

**This is Sirius and marlene in their Hogwarts yrs **

After James Potter had managed to catch the Snitch right from underneath Regulas Black's nose, the Gryffindor common room was on fire. Literally.

Sirius, delighted at his younger brother's mishap, was a bit _too _enthusiastic with his fireworks. A Catherine Wheel exploded, showering sparks everywhere, causing pieces of parchment and prefect, Marlene McKinnion's, hair to go up in flame.

"YAAAAAAARGGHHH!" Marlene was running around and around in circle, looking like a headless hippogriff.

Fellow prefect, Remus, went to her aid.

"Argumenti!"

Half of Marlene's hair had burnt off, the rest was black and singed. Sopping wet and sending a glare worthy of a basilisk in Sirius's direction she began to let off steam, her hair smoking a bit.

"YOU IDIOT, SIRIUS BLACK! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME! YOU SHOULD BE EXPELLED! YOU THINK YOUR _SOOOO_ COOL – BUT YOU'RE NOT!"

Sirius, looking quite nonchalant considering he had just set the common room on fire and a girl with smoking hair was shouting at him, just shrugged and got her by the shoulders and said,

"Wow, you're hot when your angry."

Marlene crossed her arms and scowled at him.

Sirius tipped her chin up so she was looking into his mischievous eyes. "If you were a dementor, I'd become a criminal just to get your kiss."

Her heart thumped beneath her soaking wet robes, before she realized something – this was Sirius Black she was thinking about! Player-extraordinaire …he was like a broomstick – everyone's had a ride. She set her chin, she wasn't going to be one of them.

So she just said, "Clean up the mess," and stormed to her dormitory. Sirius watched her go, slightly disappointed, but mollified himself by watching her ass as she walked up the stairs.

**Awwww personally that would pick-up line would have TOTALLY won me over.. ;) what about use?**

**Is it just me or is this line extremely ironic? Maybe he didn't want to get revenge on peter but only wanted marlene's kiss! Ha not likely… **


	3. Rolf and Luna

**Luna nd Rolf **

**I'll be taking requests so if you have anyone you want 2 in the story jus tell me **

Luna Lovegood was sipping a firewhiskey at the bar of the Leaky Cauldron – it was the after party of a very important meeting of the soon-to-be extinct birds, Fwoopers.

Luna and her father had gone to offer their assistance in the exhibition heading out to Africa to secure the lives of the remaining Fwoopers. Luna thought they had been rather rude to her daddy but Xenophilius had brushed it off and was having a conversation with a friend. So that left Luna by herself.

Suddenly a hansome man appeared next to her, she looked up at him and smiled.

"Hi, I'm Rolf Scamander," he smiled.

"Luna Lovegood."

"Well _my _name may not be Luna but I sure know how to Lovegood!"  Rolf winked.

"Sorry, what? I didn't hear that – damn wrackspurts," Luna rolled her eyes, like it happened to her all the time.

Rolf's eyes lit up – finally someone who knew what wrackspurts were! He wouldn't have to resort to bad pick-up lines to talk to a girl.

"Yeah, hate when that happens..."

**Ok that was really short and soppy, wasn't it? So who do use want me 2 do next? **


	4. Hermione and Draco

**Draco and Hermione as requested by Ms. Spastastic 2 you **** im sorry if u don't like them :P**

**Disclaimer- I don't own anyfink u recognise :P**

**Next chapter – ginny nd harry :P**

Hermione was walking down a deserted corridor on her way to Arithmacy when someone called her name. The voice was masculine and sent shivers down her spine.

She turned around to face him. "Malfoy," she purred.

He cupped her face in his hand, "This would be so much easier if you were a Slytherin – you could come up to my dormitory all you want."

She licked her lips slowly and seductively, "I may be in Gryffindor but you can _Slytherin _me any day." 

Draco murmured, "I'll take up that offer." He leaned in and passionately began to kiss her – discovering the crevices of her mouth and slipped his tongue in as she moaned and pulled him closer, running her hands through his white-blonde hair.

Pulling apart the bottom of her robes, he fingered her, causing Hermione to moan in ecstasy. He slipped another finger in and she shouted out, urging him on…

"Ohhh what do we have here…?" Peeves blew a raspberry at the couple gleefully.

Draco and Hermione whipped around to face the Poltergeist, glaring at the interruption.

"_Masterbating Malfoy slipped his dirty fingers, dirty fingers_

_Up the bush of bushy-haired Granger, bushy-haired Granger..." _Peeves sang at the top of his voice, grinning evilly at the pair.

"I could tell McGonnagal, I could…"

"You wouldn't dare," Malfoy glared at him.

"I'll keep my mouth closed on ONE condition…" Peeves said gleefully.

"And what would that be…?" Hermione asked slowly.

"THREESOME!"

**Ok what didja think? :P **

**Would malfoy nd Hermione agree or what? Hahahaha urrgh that would be one horrible porn movie.. :/ ;D**

**HAPPY NEW YR! :D**


	5. Harry and Ginny Part 1

**Ginny and harry now as requested by Neecole66 as I KINDA got the impression she wanted a chapter on them ;) Prepared 2 be wooed with harrys pickup skills! ;D**

**Disclaimer – I don't own anything you recognise… **

Harry knew she was with Dean. He knew she was Ron's sister. He knew she was too popular for own good… but he had to try, or he might never know for sure.

Taking a deep breath, he went over what he rehearsed in his head about his growing feelings for her, how beautiful and funny he thought she was… He had talked to Ron about his 'crush' (not mentioning any names of course) and he had told him some fail-proof pick-up lines. Harry shook his head, he couldn't let _that _into his head or he'd end up blurting something out… Next thing he knew, he was at Ginny chair.

He cleared his throat and Ginny turned around to face him, as Harry stared into the soft brown colour of her eyes Harry grew confused and forgot about his rehearsed speech.

"You're like a bottle of skele-grow – you're growing me a bone." The words were out of his mouth before he could register what he said. In the shocked silence of what he said, Harry went as red as Ginny's hair.

"Eh, I didn't mean, I…I..." Harry spluttered.

"What did you just say?" Dean's voice came from behind Harry, and Harry whipped around to face him, Dean looked angrier than he had ever seen him.

"Eh, oh nothing, I was just…" Harry was at a complete loss as to what to say but Ginny interrupted.

Harry stared at her – was she going to tell? "He was just asking me if I've ever had skele-grow, _weren't you Harry?" _ She said sternly, a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Oh, yep…that's what I said all right!" Harry shiftily looked back and forth and Ginny rolled her eyes at him, he really was a terrible liar.

He hurried off before Dean could question him any further, hopefully thinking that Ginny, perhaps, hadn't heard what he said…he glanced back and Ginny was staring at him. When she saw him staring at her she raised an eyebrow and mouthed, so Dean wouldn't hear, "Is that all you got?"

**Ok I've decided to randomly put harry/ginny chapters in, it will be like a running thing of how both of them are fails at picking people up ;) tell me if what you think of the idea and the chapter! :D**


	6. Ron and Hermione

**Ok this is gonna be quiiiite soppy **

**Tanx 2 every1s who's reviewed/alerted/favoutited ! you're the best! :D**

**Anywaaaay now – RON AND HERMIONE! :D**

Ron, Harry and Hemione were eating a dinner of undercooked trout and fungi, it was disgusting but Ron was determined not to complain about it – she wasn't talking to him as it was.

They ate the meal in silence, the only sounds were the river outside and the occasional crunch and someone broke their tooth on a trout bone. After five minutes, Harry spat out some blood and muttered something about a walk, Ron smiled at him gratefully, he knew Harry was leaving to give him and Hermione some 'alone time'.

After a moment, Hermione realized that she was alone with Ron and hastily got up, shooting him a glare.

Ron caught her by the arm, and she looked furious.

"Get your hands off me!"

"No, what will it take for you to forgive me?" Ron pleaded to her, his blue eyes wide and puppy-like.

But Hermione was having none of it, "Well get your hands off me for a start," she snarled and Ron released her at once.

"I missed you so much at Bill and Fleur's…without you I felt like I was in Azkaban and the Dementors were sucking away my soul." 

Hermione's hard looked softened slightly "Oh, Ron…" she blinked back tears and pulled herself together, "Well next time you better think twice about leaving!"

"Oh, I will – I'll never leave you again!" Ron promised earnestly, staring into her warm brown eyes.

Harry poked his head through the tent, "Oi, Ron! C'mon I have to show you something!" Noticing the intense moment, Harry asked Hermione, "You won't mind if Ron leaves you for a little bit?"

Ron groaned at Harry's stupidity. His chivalrous promise was less convincing by the second.

"No, of course not," Hermione said in an unusually high voice. "Go ahead!"

"NO, I'LL SAY HERE!" Ron announced grandly, sweeping dramatically to Hermione's side.

"Oh, Ron…" Hermione smiled slightly up at him.

Harry looked disappointed, "Oh ok, I was just about to show this Unicorn, but obviously you don't want to see it…" Harry disappeared out of the tent again.

Ron yelped, "_A unicorn?_ No way! I'm _so _gonna see that!" and he ran after Harry.

Hermione sighed and muttered, "_Boys…" _ but with something of her old affection contained in her voice.

**Why is it, that in all my stories I always end up making harry this confused and naïve person? Ha, ah well, I think he's funnier that way **

**So tell me what you think! Did you's awwwwww at the pick-up line? :P**


	7. James and Lily

**Lily and james now! **** probly some time in their 6****th**** yr… **

James was casually levitating his Charms book, he had begun studying from it but then thought that making it fly would be more amusing. As people climbed through the Portrait hole he zoomed the book and their heads.

Sirius watched in boredom at his best-friends antics, while Remus was actually _reading _the book and Peter was nearly wetting himself watching as t James' book smacked against various different students head.

As a dark red head appeared through the portrait hole, James became flustered and his Charms book fell onto the ground.

Sirius snorted, "Nice one, slick." He prodded him on the shoulder. "This is your time to shine, blow her away with your conversation skills."

Sirius watched with a smirk as James walked up to the pretty red head, he knew it was mean of him but he was bored and needed something to amuse him. And James trying to convince Lily Evans to go out with him, was certainly that.

"Hey, Evans," James smiled at her.

Lily looked at him with distain, "What do you want Potter?"

James took a deep breath and repeated the pick-up line Sirius used on tons of girls. "Interested in making magic together? My wand is at the ready."

James beamed at her as though he was convinced that this was his moment, but Lily was glaring at him.

_SLAP._

Clutching the side of his red face, James flopped down onto his chair, wilted. "What went wrong?" James asked confused to Sirius.

Covering up his snicker, Sirius looked innocent. "Maybe she took it the wrong way…?"

James kicked the floor angrily, why did Lily _always _take his pick-up lines the wrong way?

**Aww doesn't look like things are going good so far in the marauder side of things **

**Review please and thanks to everyone whos reviwed so far! **** your great!**


	8. Fred and Angelina

**Fred/Angelina now as requested by IrishSkittle101 :P and I couple people want draco/harry so I'll think I'll do them next…this is when their in 3****rd**** year or something **

**oh and if you think this pick-up line is too advanced for a 13 year old – just remember, this is FRED WEASLEY were dealing with her ;D and 13 year olds these days, are not so innocent…take it from me, who IS 13 ;D ;D **

Oliver Wood stuck up a poster in the Gryffindor common room which stirred great excitement – it was trials for thepositions of Chasers and Seekers for the Gryffindor Quiddich team.

Fred and George Weasley were pummled with questions about the Gryffindor team by fellow third years as they held the superior title of being on the team last year.

"Would chocolates help?" asked a nervous boy, Kenneth Towler who was attempting to bribe himself onto the team.

"You know what? I think they would, just give them to me and I'll make _sure _to pass them onto Oliver." Fred said, in a very convincing act of helpfulness and kindness.

But a pretty black girl with braided hair, knew him better than that. "Don't listen to him Towler, he's just gonna keep them to himself." Angelina Johnson snorted.

"I would've shared them with George!" whined an innocent Fred, as Kenneth huffed off.

"_Riiiiiight."_

Fred noticed her looking at the Quiddich poster with interest and Fred ceased the chance to ease the tension and simultaneously spark something romantic between the two of them.

"You look like you'd be a good Quiddich player, want to ride my brromstick?" Fred asked suavely, eyebrows waggling.

Angelina turned back to him slowly, and Fred got quite scared, Angelina can be one scary witch when she wants to be.

_SLAPPPP._

"You know what? I reckon I _am_ a good Quiddich player, and I'm going to sign up!" Angelina flounced over to the poster, wrote her name with a flourish and stalked up to the dormitories.

**Teehee your gonna be hearing a lot of those SLAPPPPS, as some of the pick-up lines are PRETTY bad :D**


	9. Harry and Draco

**Draco and harry as requested by Applepie. Never did slash before, but its basically the same…right? K tell me what you think!**

Draco was a Prefect. Harry was Quiddich captain. They had two things in common, one – they could both use the bathroom on the 5th floor, and two…they were both in love with Draco Malfoy.

So, when Harry entered the Prefect's bathroom on a Saturday night, he was elated to find Draco already bathing in the soapy depths of the bath. Harry wished the bubbles weren't quite so big…he could only see Draco's blonde head.

He took his clothes off slowly, Draco hadn't notice him coming in, actually he was more interested in his reflection in the window opposite him.

Only when Harry slid in beside him did he start and turn around, splashing water over the side of the giant bath.

"What are _you _doing here?" He asked rudely, but he had a slight tinge of pink into his soft, pale cheeks.

"Bathing." Harry said calmly, despite the excitement bursting inside of him, and the hardening of his sack. He was keenly aware that Draco's body was less than a metre from his. Draco's wet, _naked _body.

"Can't you see that _I _was here first?" Draco inched away from him, biting his lip to stop himself from acknowledging Harry's naked presence.

"It's big enough for two." Harry said, his voice going husky.

Draco couldn't stop himself blushing now, and he stayed still as Harry continued to move towards him.

Soon they were nose to nose, their bodies inched apart.

Draco could feel Harry's breath on his face – it smelled sweet, like treacle tart.

"The thought of you makes something vast and silvery erupt from my wand."

Draco couldn't help himself – he laughed out loud. This time it was Harry's turn to blush.

"I didn't mean to…eh, it just slipped o -"

But Harry was stopped short, Draco had covered his mouth with his.

**What do you think? Review please :D requests welcome, 1****st**** request will be next chapter!**


	10. Ginny and Blaise

**Blaise and Ginny now as requested by ohsnapitzJess **

**Enjoy, hope you like it! And tanx sooo much for all the reviews! ****  
**

The year Ginny Weasley was in her 6th year at Hogwarts was a terrifying, tense place. But most of all it was boring. So, due to this boredom, a pair of Hufflepuff third year girls made a list of the Top Ten Hottest People in Hogwarts (they were both suspiciously near the top) and Ginny was named Hottest girl and a Slytherin in his 7th year was named Hottest boy. His name was Blaise Zabini.

For the exception of the two Hufflepuff girls near the top, the rest of the list was very accurate. Ginny had bright red hair that tumbled down her back and was breathtakingly beautiful. Blaise had high cheek bones and was hautily hansome.

Together they should have been the most perfect couple. But she was the Queen of Gryffindor and he was the…snobby guy in Slytherin.

Ginny disliked his superior attitude, all because his mother is famously beautiful and rich. Blaise hated her because she was a blood traitor. But they both had to admit that they were both beautiful people, and the List borned a pulling attraction to each other. But they were both proud people and waited for the other to make the first move. Eventually, Ginny, being the brave Gryffindor she was, cornered him in an empty hallway.

"Is your name Avada Kedavra, 'cause you've got a killer bod." 

A triumphant smile spread across his face. "I could say the same for you too, Weasley."

"Well why don't you?" Ginny asked sweetly, taking a step closer to him.

"'Cause that would be one repetitive conversation," Blaise countered, smirking.

"Hmm, well sometimes repetitive is good…" She began kissing him passionately, completely throwing him off guard. But soon he swept a hand through her long, luscious hair, pulling her closer to him.

A couple of minutes, they broke away, gasping slightly.

Ginny smirked, "Now _that _ I'd like to repeat, again and again…and again." And they did repeat it, again and again…and again.

And again.

But it never got boring.

**So hope you like it ! **** review and requests welcome **

**WOOOOOO TENTH CHAPTER! So we're a fifth through…:P heeeheee still loads 2 come! :D**


	11. Luna and Ron

**Thanx for all the reviews! :D now Luna and Ron as requested by IgnoranceYour NewBestFriend, I thnk she didn't want 2 c them 2gether just the pick-up line **

**Hope im rite!**

"Hello, Ron!" Luna said to the ginger boy, at the beginning of a meeting of the DA.

"All tight Luna?" Ron grinned at her, he had grown quite fond of her and her wacky ways.

"Oh, yes, I'm fine. Though unfortunately someone has hid my Potions book, _again." _Luna rolled her eyes good naturedly, as though it happened all the time. "I wouldn't mind but I've got quite an important essay coming up, and I really should get started." 

Ron felt sorry for the girl. "It'll be all right," He smiled at her. Just at that moment they stopped at the edge of a large circle with Harry in the middle.

Ron looked up and saw a mistletoe hanging above them. "Oh, look…mistletoe!" he said.

"Oh yes…" Luna looked up serenely and then stared back at Ron, her eyes seemed to sharpen as she whispered, "I'm like a Crumple Horned Snorback – I'm explosive."

Ron stared at her. She wasn't serious, was she? She kept on looking at him seriously, and Ron eventually had to clear his throat and say awkwardly, "Oh, well that's….good?"

"Oh yes, I've been told it's _very _good."

"Ok everyone, partner up!" Harry announced, and Ron almost sprinted to Hermione's side.

**Ok, that was mostly dialogue but I couldn't really see any other way how this could of gone… **

**Review please! **


	12. Fred and Hermione

**Fred an****d Hermione now as requested by Binka, and I know you requested some other 1s but I'll do this one and in a couple of chapters ill d o ther next ones, is dat ok? **

"Join!" She almost shouted into a scared third year's face.

"Ok, ok! I'll do what ever you want – just don't hurt me!" The girl whimpered, and ran up towards the girl's dormitory. Hermione smiled happily.

"Bullying first years to join your _worthy _cause are you?" A familiar voice snickered behind her.

She whipped around and glared at him, "She was a third year actually and I was not bullying her, just…persuading her."

"Yeah that's what You-Know-You said at first but then _he _turned out to be a psycho murderer," Fred Weasley smirked.

"So are you saying that I remind you of You-Know-Who?" She gave him a glare that could give Mrs. Weasley a run for her own money.

Fred, who was terrified of his mother when angry, wisely changed tack, "So what's this you're forci – or eh selling to people?"

Hermione was shocked at the complete change of subject but didn't waste time in venting her views on House-Elf Rights. "I've started a group – S.P.E.W. – and it's to raise awareness of the horrible way wizards threat House Elves, I mean really -"

Fred interrupted her, "I could be your House-Elf, I could do anything you want, and I wouldn't need any clothes."

_SLAPPPPPPPPPPPPP._

"This is exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about, wizard ignorance!"

Fred nursed his left cheek, "Jeez sor_ry..._"

**K, not looking good so far for Fred is it…:P I was watching the news (SHOCK :O) and this guy with the BIGGEST goatee ever was on it! Hahaha, just thought all my Chronicles of the Ginger Goatee would be interested in that…:D :P**


	13. Scorpious and Lily II

**Now Lily 2 and Scorpious as requested by MaisyB :D**

**Thanx soooo much for all de reviews - 81! Im wo happy! Teehee**

**This is mostly talking **

"Happy Birthday, Lils!" Lily's older brother, Albus, hugged her.

"Thanks, Al, oh my Merlin, guess what mum and dad got me!" She squealed happily, jumping up and down.

"Sweets?" Albus teased her and her strong affection for everything in Honeydukes.

"Some. But they got me a broomstick! It's the new Thunder 100," she beamed, Lily Potter couldn't wait to try it in Quiddich training that evening.

Albus moaned enviously, "And to think I've still got the old Dragon 500 broomstick…"

Lily snickered at him. Albus glanced over her shoulder and scowled slightly.

"Your _boyfriend _is on his way over." Albus did not get on with her boyfriend, Scorpious Malfoy at all. At least James had left the year before she and Scorpious had got together, two protective brothers hating her boyfriend? She didn't think she could handle it.

Albus got up and walked over to several other fellow 7th years. Lily sighed, she had hoped he would be civil to Scorpious, it was her birthday after all.

At times, Lily wondered if it was worth the bother and family angst of dating a Malfoy but every time he came near her those thoughts slipped from her mind.

Suddenly strong, warm arms encircled her from behind. She sank into him as he sat down beside her. All thoughts of Albus had banished from her mind. Scorpious was good at that.

"Happy Birthday," he whispered and kissed her on the cheek, sending shivers up and down her spine. They had been dating for two years yet every time he kissed her she blushed.

She shook her hair so it fell in front of her red face but Scorpious pulled it back, and stared into her brown eyes, exactly like her mother's.

"Will you be my horcrux so I can give you a piece of my soul?" He murmured, his grey eyes piercing.

Lily felt herself fall in love with himself a little bit more.

**Ok , wow, intense relationship, but so adorable, im actally starting to like this pair now! :D :D**

**I'm turning 14 2moro! :D that's why I had it being Lily's birthday in this :P teehee :P**

**Review please :D**


	14. Bellatrix and Voldemort

**Now here's a totally weird pair – Bellatrix and old Voldy :P as requested by DapheneFred4ever.**

**Enjoy, tanx for all the reviews! 2 away from 100! Ahhh so excited :D :D and tanx 2 everyone who wished me hapy birthday! Ok, I think I shud stop using so much exclamation points now…:P**

**! haha**

Everyone was seated at the long table in Malfoy Manor. The Dark Lord was seated at the head of the table. Most Death Eaters avoided his gaze but a certain dark haired witch was gazing at him as though his light green bald head was the hottest thing on earth.

Bellatrix had a whole stash of PlayWizard magazines under her bed in her room, but none of the toned wizard bodies were _anything _compared to her master.

Draco was seated next to his aunty and had to shuffle sideways in his chair to escape the onslaught of the dribbling slobber falling fast and heavy from her mouth.

"You may go," Voldemort said coldly to the room at large as the meeting came to an end. Bellatrix flushed, she hadn't heard a word her master had said, she had been daydreaming about the two of them on a deserted island…

"Bella, are you coming?" Narcissa Malfoy's voice snapped Bellatrix back to reality.

"Go, go on…I have something to say to say to the Dark Lord." Bellatrix's eyes gleamed, she had been planning this moment for months.

Narcissa walked out of the room and Bellatrix took a deep breath and walked up to Voldemort's chair.

"Master," she whispered. He swivelled around in his chair, stroking the head of Nagini.

"Bella, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Voldemort said in a bored voice, but Bellatrix was thrilled nonetheless.

"I might as well be under the Imperious Curse because I'd do anything for you," she whispered huskily.

Voldemort stared a t her. "That is required of every Deatheater in my service. Tell me, Bella, do you _have _to be under the Imperious Curse to do what I want?"

Bellatrix spluttered, "No, no! I meant…"

"I know what you meant Bella, but it would never work." Voldemort lowered his voice.

Bellatrix's eyes were shining with tears, "It would, my Lord, it would! We have to try!" She collapsed onto her knees and held his robes.

Voldemort's lip curled as he ripped his robes out of her clingy grasp.

"No, it would not," He held up a long, spidery finger to silence Bella who looked as though she wanted to interrupt, "I'm gay."

Bellatrix fainted.

**Ok I know its unrealistic but this chapter was sooo fun to write! :D **

**You know when Vldemort swivelled round in his chair. Was I the only 1 who was reminded of Dr. Evil in James Bond/Austin Powers? **

**Review please! **


	15. Ginny and Harry Part 2

**Another Harry and Ginny **

**Tanx so much for all the (slightly disturbing) reviews! :P ok im sorry but no more requests, just for a while, when I get thru all the requests I have so far, u can start requesting again! **

**So onto the chapter…:D**

Hermione nudged Ginny. Ginny knew what she was up to but determinately focused on her kidney pie, cutting it up and slowly chewing it. Hermione nudged her again.

Nudge.

Nudge.

Nudge. Nudge. Nudge. Nudge. Nudge. Nudge. Nudge.

"I KNOW HARRY'S OVER THERE HERMIONE!"

Everyone in the Great Hall turned to stare at Ginny. She blushed scarlet and sank down in her chair.

"You don't think Harry heard that did you?" Ginny muttered, her mouth resting against the side of the table, she was down so low.

"I heard nothing," Harry smiled at her, as he collapsed into the seat opposite her, muddy and exhausted from hours of Quiddich practise.

Ginny smiled gratefully at him, while Hermione asked how Quiddich practise had gone.

"Horribly," Harry muttered dully but then brightened up, "First time riding the Firebolt since last year though, still as perfect as ever."

"If you show me your Firebolt, I'll show you my Chamber of Secrets," Ginny blurted out.

Hermione and Harry stared at Ginny in shock. Then Harry threw back his head and laughed. "You've been reading Ron's Witch Guide haven't you?" Harry snorted.

Hermione and Ginny exchanged glances. "Ron's _what?" _

Harry looked uncomfortable, "Oh, nothing…"

**Ok that was very short…I've decided every 15****th**** chap will be dedicated to the Harry/Ginny saga! ;D**


	16. Neville and Luna

**Luna and Neville as requested by AbSim7, hope you like it! **

**Thanks for all the reviews! If you've requested, I'm sorry if it takes a while for it 2 come up, but it WILL…eventually ;D**

**Disclaimer – I don't own anything 2 do with harry potter **** just what comes out of my twisted mind…;)**

"Hello Neville, thank-you for inviting me to lunch," Luna said serenely, taking a seat opposite him.

"No problem, haven't seen you in ages, how are you doing?" Neville asked pleasantly.

"Oh, I've just come from a day at Hogwarts – it's not _quite _back to normal, but they hope to open it in September."

Relief broke out across Neville's face, "That's great! Our world without Hogwarts…I just can't imagine life without Gryffindor…or Ravenclaw," Neville added suddenly, remembering what house Luna was in.

"You know sometimes I wonder if I really should be in Ravenclaw…" Luna commented pensively.

"Same, but then I think the Hat must have put me in Gryffindor because, like Godric Gryffindor I, too, have an impressive sword," Neville smiled, trying to lighten the mood, with his _slightly _boastful comment.

"You have a sword?" Luna looked at him, wide-eyed.

"Well, being born a boy, I'd hope so," Neville grinned.

"Oh so do all boys have impressive swords then?"

Neville realized this conversation was getting slightly out of control, so he almost shoved a whole loaf of bread into his mouth, to avoid answering.

Luna frowned at him, "You should have cut that bread before you put it in your mouth. I know, you should have cut it with your sword!" Luna suggested brightly

Neville choked on the bread as this image formed in his mind.

The bread shot out of his mouth and hit Luna bang in the middle of her eyes.

"I'm so," He coughed loudly, "Sorry!"

"No worries," Luna said kindly, dabbing a tissue to her face.

But Neville was still embarrassed and the rest of the lunch went by awkwardly. When the time finally came to pay the bill, Neville was most relieved.

"That was fun," Luna said brightly, "Maybe I could come over some time to see your sword!"

"Ehrm, yeah maybe…"

**Ok so what do you think? **** review please!**


	17. George and Alicia

**George/Alicia Spinnet as requested by ScarlettStar12. **

**Hope you like it! **

George and Bill Weasley strolled into the Leaky Cauldron, Bill was smiling pleasantly and had his hand clasped over his younger brother's arm so he wouldn't run away.

George tried to tug away but Bill held him tightly, "C'mon George, a few Firewhiskies will do you good! Maybe meet a couple of girls, you never know."

George scowled at him and collapsed into a chair near the fire. Bill sat opposite him.

"How long do I have to stay here?" George asked sulkily, all he wanted was to go back to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

"If you start a conversation with one person other than me, we can leave," Bill said, "And ordering drinks from Rosmerta _doesn't _count. I'll get them actually."

Bill walked towards the bar, satisfied that George will have to sit through the night. He barely talked to his family anymore, he doubted he could talk to a stranger.

A pretty girl with brown eyes sat down in Bill's empty chair. She stared at George.

George frowned at her, "Alicia?"

Her lips curved into a smile, "So you _do _remember people you used to know."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Only Katie went into W.W.W. the other day and you didn't recognise her," Alicia explained.

George frowned, "Oh…" George spotted Bill over Alicia's head. Bill grinned at him and circled his hands to indicate George should keep talking, spilling most of the Firewhiskey in his hand.

George smiled at that and Alicia smiled back encouragingly. Her smile sent unexpected shivers down his spine.

He studied his old school friend closely, with her high cheekbones and silky black hair she was beautiful. For the first time he remembered what it was to like a girl – the excitement of seeing her in the hallway, talking to her at dinnertime, helping her with her homework. All things George recognised as something belonging to the years of B.D.

Before Death.

And why shouldn't he bring something from B.D. into the present? So, while Alicia watched bemusedly, George cracked his knuckles and tried to regain some of the smoothness he had with the ladies in his past life.

"Did you say Wingardium Leviosa, because you've got me rising." George beamed, he had _owned _that! His mojo was officially BACK.

For a second it looked as though Alicia might hit him but then she forced out a smile.

"Nice one."

"I know, I know…"

And then, as Bill was making his way over to their table, he heard something wonderful. Something he was so used to but hadn't heard in a long time.

The sound of George's laugh.

**So whatcha think? :D review please! **

**But, sorry, NO MORE REQUESTS! Sorry, once I get all the one's I have now, your free to request again :D**


	18. Luna and Ginny

**Now Luna/Ginny as requested by Bibbly! **** sorry it was a long wait, hope u like it!**

**But before I begin, I'm gonna do something veeeery shameful… and advertise my other stories. :P please go on my profile and read dem, I'll love you forever! :D ok now onto de story;**

"Hey, Loony, going to go talk to your invisible horses now?" A Ravenclaw called out to Luna Lovegood as she headed out Defence Against the Dark Arts. Ginny was standing behind him and her hands curled into fists.

"_Don't _call her that," Ginny seethed.

The boy turned around to face her and smirked, "And _you're _going to stop me?" 

Ginny swiped her hand through the air and said, "Battyboogers!" She was so skilled at the Bat Bogey Hex that the boy had his bogey's turned into bats before he could even reach for his wand.

The Gryffindor's behind Ginny burst into laughter and she smiled. She caught up with the blonde girl in front of her.

Luna smiled at her, "Thanks for defending me, Ginny."

"No problem, your my friend."

Luna sighed, "_Friends."_

"What?" Ginny asked, confused.

"I want more Ginny!" Luna cried out.

"Oh, um like best friends?" Ginny questioned.

"NO," Luna sighed at how slow Ginny was being, "Like _girl_friend."

Ginny stopped walking, Luna turned around so they were face to face.

"_What?"_ Ginny managed to splutter out.

"I like you Ginny, you're always defending me and you're gorgeous," she grabbed Ginny by the shoulders and stared into Ginny's yes. A spark went through Ginny's arms, "You've must have felt the connection between us!"

"Merlin's pants!" Was all Ginny was able to say.

Luna grinned, "I don't know about Merlin's pants, but I'd like to get into yours!"

In spite of herself, Ginny giggled and Luna tipped her chin up, "You're so cute when you laugh." Luna's sweet breath blew across Ginny's face. Ginny breathed it in and felt her whole body relaxing.

Ginny stroked the side of Luna's face, experimenting, testing the boundaries. Luna moaned at her touch and closed her eyes. Luna was right, there was a connection between them. She could feel it as her fingertips tingled and grew warm as she cupped Luna's face.

Luna's eyes opened to find Ginny's face inches from hers. "Here?" She asked her wide eyes grew larger than ever.

"It's up to you," Ginny smiled kindly.

Luna felt butterflies, "So does this mean you want to be my girlfriend?"

"Yes."

A warmth spread through Luna at these words and she no longer care that they were in a public place. She leaned in and nibbled Ginny's lower lip, Ginny closed her eyes and leaned in, deepening the kiss.

And Luna was right - not only did they have sparks, they had a whole firework display going on inside their heads.

**Ok first time doin fem-slash, hope that was ok!**

**Review please! And thanks for all the reviews so far!**


	19. Snape and Lily

**Lily/Snape now as requested by Jokegirl and gaaralover916. I remember fanfiction1037 doesn't like them so sorry **** sorry this doesn't end happily…**

**Tanx for the reviews/favourites/alerts !**

A sallow faced man appeared out of a dark alley and onto the bright streets of Diagon Alley, looking left and right, he walked up the street.

His black cloak rippled out behind him, at the sight of Snape, some remembered him as the potions-whiz in Slytherin, other's saw the face of an emotionless man, either way they formed a closer-knit group as though they thought a crowd would put off the wrath of a Deatheater.

As Severus Snape strode down the street, he stumbled a bit. But it wasn't because of the cobbled path, but the sight of a beautiful red-head in a shop window.

He turned to watch her as she paid and took her purchased items off the counter. She pushed open the door and stepped out, the wind whipping her long, thick hair around her face. She ran a hand through it and turned and walked down the street.

"Lily!" It came out as a strangled sob, he fought for control and when he said it again it was loud and clear over the wind.

She turned around curiously, her eyes travelling to each of the shoppers on the street. Finally bright green eyes found a flat black. Her face closed and she whipped around and walked fast up the street. Snape hurried up to her and grabbed her arm.

"Get your hands off me," she snarled. It wasn't the most welcoming thing Snape had ever heard but it was the first time Lily had spoken to him in four years.

"No, I…I want to talk," Snape pleaded.

"How about _no?"_ Lily snapped.

"I've wanted to say this for years -"

Lily cut him off, "And you tell me now? In the middle of the war, we're on two different sides, Severus!"

"I might not get another chance!" Snape begged, when she didn't say anything, he went on, "I'm in love with you." 

There was a long pause as his words hung in the air.

"Oh, yes," Lily began in a lofty voice that Snape knew meant trouble, "You called the person you love a _Mudblood_."

Snape winced, ever since he said it he hated that word, "I do, Lily! That's why I learned Occlumency -I couldn't stop thinking about you!"

Behind her closed face, Snape spotted something in her eyes and he felt hopeful. But in a moment it was gone and filled with hatred. "I'm getting married, Severus. You know that."

And then she turned away, the last thing Severus saw was the cold unforgiveness in her bright green eyes.

Those eyes Snape would remember forever.

**Hope you like that! In case your wondering, there about 19 or so in this…**

**Review please!**


	20. Bloody Baron and Helena Ravenclaw

**Congradulatins to ohsnapitzjess for being de 200****th**** reviewr! 200 :O still in shock, tanx to evry1 who's reviewed!  
**

**Now Bloody Baron/Grey Lady as requested by Binka. i put this up especially for Valentines day! :D happy valentines **** and high five to all de singles out there, valentines is funner alone anyways… ;) this is back in the 10****th**** century so im trying to rite old –fashionedy words :P**

Helena Ravenclaw scooped her long brown hair behind her but it was no use, she knew she looked like a ragged peasant. Her blue dress trailed the ground as she twisted the diadem around her fingers. This diadem was supposed to make the wearer intelligent, more witty. Better than her dratted mother. But here she was, in the middle of an Albanian forest covered in muck and nothing to eat. But she was too ashamed to go home, her mother had probably told everyone what a terrible daughter she was. And a _thief, _nonetheless!

_Snap. _ Her breath caught in her throat and she quickly stuffed the diadem in the hollow she had carved in a tree. She twirled around, her dress flying up, she hoped to God that her ankles weren't shown, she couldn't imagine anything more indecent.

"Don't worry, m'lady – it's only me," a man with a short beard and dark brown eyes stood out of the shadows.

"Baron!" Helena gasped, shocked at the sudden arrival of a fellow human.

"Looking lovely as always, Lady Ravenclaw," he took her pale hand and brought it to his lips. Helena barely held back a shudder of revulsion. "Do you have a wand on you presence, because you're _charming _me."

Helene withdrew her hand from his sweaty palms and straightened up, "This is not the time for your flattering, Baron. Now tell me, why are you here?"

The Baron's sickening smile was wiped off his face as he frowned at her rudeness. "Haven't changed at all, you feisty minx."

Helena cocked her chin, the Baron glared at her and went on, "Your mother has fallen grievously ill and requested me to get you so she could see you one last time."

Helena backed up to the hollow tree her mother's diadem was hiding in. "No, I can't! I don't want to return to England." 

"But you have to," the Baron's voice turned dangerously low as he took a step towards her. He had always hated being disobeyed. "You'll return home and hopefully your reputation can be resurrected." Helena knew what that meant, he had spoken it to her often before she had fled to Albania – marriage. To him.

"I'll stay here, thank you very much." Helena crossed her arms. The Baron looked around the clearing with a sneer.

"You'd rather stay here than come home with me?"

"I'd rather live in a pigsty than come anywhere with you!"

"How dare you!"

The last thing Helena saw before she fell was the glint of a sword plunging into her breast.

**ok, not so romantic…at all. This was supposed to be really romantic for valentines day and all… oh well it can be dedicated to people who hate valnetines day! :D**


	21. Hagrid and Olympe

**Ok Hagrid/Maxine as requested by Neecole66 – hope you like!**

**Thanks for all the reviews! In case u were tinkin im a really bad speller in this story, Im not (cept in a/n's) im just trying 2 do hagrids voice, ya no? **

It was a stormy night and the fire flickered violently in danger of extinguishing. Rubeus Hagrid and Olympe Maxine huddled close to it.

"We'll be ou' of here in no time, don' worry Olympe," Hagrid patted her gloved hand.

She rested her head against Hagrid's upper-arm, "It's for the good of the world," she said in a firm voice. She sighed and looked out of the mouth of the cave where the sleeping bodies of the giants lay. "It's strange that I'm like zem."

"_We're _like them," Hagrid corrected her, "And you should be proud!" he put his arm around her, "You know I've never told you this, but I'm a giant in more than one way, you know."

"How so?" Maxine sounded curiously.

Hagrid blushed, "You know. Like I'm big."

"Obviously," Olympe stated.

"In the, eh _department."_

"Of mysteries?" Olympe guessed.

"NO! I've a big downstairs!"

"But 'Agrid, you live in a one-story hut!"

"I mean I've got a big sack!" Hagrid tried to explain further.

"Like that muggle man – Santa?" Olympe raised an eyebrow.

"I mean I've a big cock!"

"Ah don't exaggerate 'Agrid, your roosters are quite average."

Hagrid was getting extremely irritated by now.

"I've got a big rod!"

"I had no idea you enjoyed zee fishing!"

"Grrrrrr….." Hagrid stomped out of the cave in a huff.

Olympe burst into evil laughter.

**The pick-up line wasn't so good but still…hope you like it! Review please :D**


	22. Arthur and Molly

**Molly/Arthur as requested by RockChick29, I know you reviewed with a really good pick-up line and I'll use it, but in another one k? **** hope you like!  
**

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

"_Oh, come and stir my__ cauldron,_  
_And if you do it right,_  
_I'll boil you up some hot, strong__ love,_  
_To keep you warm tonight."_

Molly and Arthur waltzed to the song, keeping the beat perfectly. Molly's white wedding dress swirled around her, expertly hiding the small pregnancy bump she was carrying. Molly leaned into her new husband's ear and murmured, "Remember when we danced to this when we were eighteen?"

Arthur smiled reminiscently, "How could I forget?" He twirled Molly under his arm and then brought her close once more.

"I love you Arthur."

"Love you too, my Mollywobbles." Arthur replied, Molly blushed and rested her red head in the crook of his neck.

"I know there's a war, but I couldn't be happier right now," Molly sighed in serenity.

"Me neither, if I looked into the Mirror of Erised, I'd see the two of us together."

Molly's eyes sparked with tears as she fell her for husband a little harder.

The first picture they ever put up in the Burrow was the two of them staring into each other's eyes, in the middle of the dance floor, the whole world blocked out.

Molly looked at it often in the years to follow, it was a symbol of peace and happiness, it was hope that she'd live for many more moments just like that.

**Short I know but hoped you like it! Review please :D**


	23. Voldemort and Dumbledore

**Voldemort/Dumbledore as requested by the slightly unhinged Snow 'n' Cupcakes :P **

**haha enjoy…**

**this is the time tom riddle came looking for a job but altered a little…(actually a LOT :P)**

A crisp knock was heard on the door of Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore sat back and called out for the person to enter. A tall man with his head held high opened the door and took a seat opposite Dumbledore. His eyes were like slits and his skin was waxy, Dumbledore felt disappointed at the waste of such a handsome face.

"Good evening, Tom," Dumbledore began casually, "Won't you have a drink?"

"That would be very welcome, I've come a long way…" Voldmort thanked him. Dumbledore poured wine into two large goblets, he took a sip if one and placed the other in front of Voldemort.

"So what can I do for you, Tom?"

Voldemort took a sip if his wine and said slowly, "They do not call me 'Tom' anymore, these days I am known as -"

"I know what you're known as. But to me, I'm afraid, you will always be Tom Riddle. It is one of the irritating things about old teachers, I'm afraid, that they never quite forget their charges' youthful beginnings."

With that the atmosphere changed in the room as the power shifted in Dumbledore's direction. In his mind Dumbledore was thinking, '1 to Albus, Zero to Tom, booyah!'

"I am here about the post of Defence Against the Darks Arts," Voldemort informed Dumbledore.

"I don't think that's the only reason you're here, is it?" Dumbledore said shrewdly, he had his suspicions that Voldemort wanted something from the school.

Tom's eyes lit up which Dumbledore thought was strange, "No one understands me like you do, Albus!" His voice was husky and low.

"Eh…_what?" _ Dumbledore was completely lost.

Tom stood up, "Get on the desk – we'll do it hippogriff style!"

"NO ONE can talk to me like that!" Dumbledore boomed.

"I bet Grindlewald did though, he probably talked to you dirty all the time," Tom whispered, taking off his socks.

Dumbledore blushed and cleared his throat, "That is errr between me and Gellert."

Tom raised an eyebrow, "Get over him Albus, he's locked up in Nurmengard – he'll never know."

Albus gulped and looked down at his hands, "No one can _ever _know, you understand me?"

Tom Riddle promised and smiled a cheshire grin as he thought, '1 to Dumbledore, 1 to Voldemort.'

**Pretty bad pick-up line…what do you think? Review please!**


	24. Scorpius and Rose

**Rose/Scorpius as requested by Therealginnyweasley135 and timetowastewhattodo **

**Hope you enjoy and thanks ssooo much 2 everyone who's reviewed/alrted/favourite! :D**

Albus sighed, they were at it again, he didn't even glance up from his Charms book, he knew what he'd see; Rose in her fighting stance and Scorpius lounging in an armchair after she found him snogging _another _girl. But they'd make up, they always did. They seemed to enjoy the fighting, Rose seemed to love when Scorpius lied to her and he seemed to enjoy getting caught. Well, that or he was just extremely bad at subtlety.

A scream brought Albus's head up. He stared in shock at Scorpius, Rose had twirled him up in the air in a ball of fire. Rose used her wand and her hand to turn it around and around…her eyes glinting dangerously, a small smile on her lips indicating to everyone in the common room that she was enjoying watching her boyfriend burn.

A few seconds later she sighed and let her arms drop, causing the flames to disappear and Scorpius to fall in a heap on the ground. She watched him get up without expression. He winced as he looked at his burns, the magical fire Rose had conjured up hadn't been as strong as real fire but still left marks.

Scorpius turned to Rose and raised an eyebrow sardonically, "Enjoyed that, didn't you Rose? You love watching me burn."

"You know I do, baby," Rose licked her lips slowly, drawing Scorpius' attention.

"I must have taken some of Felix Felicis, because I think I'm about to get lucky tonight!" Scorpius wooped, his eyes never straying from Rose's face.

Albus looked down in disgust, he had officially lost his interest in his cousin and her boyfriend's sick mind games.

Rose leaned into him, Scorpius waited tensely. She brought her hand under his shirt and moved south. He grew hard as she nibbled on the top of his ear. Just as she reached to the top of his trousers, she stopped. Scorpius urged her on.

"Puh-lease, thought it was going to be that easy? You want me, fight for me." Rose twirled around, whipping her long red hair into his shocked face.

"Who wants to help me find my pyjamas? I seem to have lost them," Rose sighed and pouted, "I might have _nothing _to wear!" She looked around the common room at large.

"I'll do it!" 

"NO, I will!"

"No, me!"

Soon enough, she had boys fighting to find her 'missing' pyjamas. Scorpius watched the whole time, his eyebrows raised at Rose. She smiled sweetly at him, it was all a part of their game.

"You come," she said to an extremely good looking 7th year.

She grabbed his hand and strutted over to the stairs, waggling her butt as much as possible. All eyes were on her as she left the room with her chosen victim for the night. Everyone knew she wouldn't be wearing _anything _that night. Scorpius sat down and smiled, she'd be his tomorrow.

**Ok hope you like that one, for some reason I've always imagined there relationship to be really fiery or something…has anyone noticed I've added a bit of a song in there? This chapter was kinda based on it – tell me if you know which song!**

**Review please! :D**


	25. Ginny and Harry Part 3

**The third instalment of Ginny/Harry! Hope you enjoy…:D and thanks to everone who has faved-alerted-reviewed! I loveee uu! (or as my friend would say – I Flove you!)**

**Oh and here are the peple who knew what song I was talkin about last chapter – Chloexo, Dobby's Polka Dotted Socks, Tortilla, Desks Name is Alfred, XxSarcasmandCakeXx and PureAwsomeness13 ! Well done! :D**

"I need help!" Luna moaned to her, uncharacteristically serious.

"What's up?" Ginny asked her, concerned.

"I'm terrible at flirting! Last time I mentioned Nargles which didn't work _at all!"_ Luna moaned.

"Just watch the master at work," Ginny winked playfully at her and cracked her fingers. She searched the stands until her eyes lit up. "C'mon, now sit back and learn." Ginny weaved her way in through the spectators and supporters, Luna following her closely.

"Heeeey Harry," Ginny rolled on the soles of her feet, rocking backwards and forwards, twisting a long piece of red hair around her finger.

Harry glanced at her, then put his attention back onto the Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff match. "Hey."

"So…Quiddich huh?"

"Eh…yeah."

"So what do you say me and you go looking for the Room of Requirement?" Ginny raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Harry looked at her strangely, "We already know where that is remember? The D.A. was in there."

Ginny blushed and glanced back at Luna, she was dedicatedly taking notes.

"I'm just ehh going to go…" Ginny muttered and hurried away.

_**Ginny's Guideline son How To Flirt! – Luna Lovegood.**_

_Talk like a baby and twirl hair._

_Talk about things he's interested in, e.g. Quiddich._

_If all else fails, use a bad pick-up line and hope to Merlin he gets it._

_If he doesn't – sca-daddle out of there. _

**Hope you like and hope you all follow Ginny's guidelines faithfully! X x review please!**


	26. Dumbledore and McGonnagal

**McGonnagal/Dumbledore as requested by fantabulousoboelily and repeatedly by Rockchick29 :P hope u like and reaches your expectations! **

**Thanks for all the reviews/alerts/favourites!**

"Do you think that _wise _Albus? He's just a boy, how could I tell him a mass-murderer escaped Azkaban to come after _him?"_ Minerva McGonnagal nostrils flared as paced Dumbledore's office.

"You don't give him enough credit Minerva, I imagine he already knows actually," Dumbledore replied calmly, staring at her over interlocked fingers.

Minerva stopped pacing and turned around to him, "How could he already know?"

Dumbledore sighed, "He's a curious thirteen year old – they always find out things," Dumbledore chuckled, "It's in their nature."

"This is not a laughing matter, Albus!" McGonnagal snapped.

Dumbledore held up his hands in surrender and smiled benignly, "Are you using the Confundus Charm or are you just naturally mind-blowing?"

Minerva's jaw dropped as she stared at Dumbledore in astonishment and then clapped appreciatory.

Dumbledore stared at her in bewilderment.

McGonagall took her wand out from behind her back, "I did cast the Confundus Charm!" she giggled to herself, fingers covering her mouth in glee, her eyes looking mischievous.

Dumbledore got up and put an arm around her, "I'm afraid you've used it on yourself again, m'dear," he said to her gently.

"OOOSY DOOPSEY LEMON POOPSEY," McGonnagal giggled harder, "I said Poopsies! Teehee."

"Yes, you did…"

**Ok not soo romantic…hope you like anyways!**


	27. Sirius and Narcissa

**Sirius/Narcissa as requested by anastacialibitinamalfoy. I hope you all don't mind the incest…;D but I guess that's what purebloods are all about so..:P **

**Thanks for all the reviews/alerts/favourites!**

She wasn't sexy or wild like Bellatrix. She wasn't sweet but rebellious like Andromeda. But she _was _naturally blonde and in sixteen year old Sirius' eyes that meant a _lot. _Sirius was in a stage where every living blonde creature was his eye candy for the week. The only limit was to boys, he didn't think Lucius Malfoy would think too kindly of him coming on to him.

Sirius watched lazily the people waking past him in his lounging position next to the lake.

A group of Slytherin girls walked by, Sirius followed their retreating backs with interest.

"Hmmmm, I forgot Narcissa was blonde…" Sirius murmured to James.

"Well obviously," James rolled his eyes at his best friends stupidity but then sat up bolt straight. "NO! A Slytherin? Please don't tell me you're thinking what I think you're thinking."

"Personally I'm thinking of feeding the Giant Squid rice and seeing if it explodes," Sirius replied idly.

"That's pigeons," Remus' voice was heard from behind a book.

"Right," Sirius stood up.

"Where are you going?" James asked him sharply.

"Taking a piss behind a bush, relax, relax."

Sirius strolled over to where the girls were all loafing about, "Narcissa," Sirius greeted the blonde beauty.

Her lip curled, "Black."

"Ooooh, calling me by my last name, I'm hurt, well and truly _hurt," _he held his heart with a wounded expression. Some of the half-blood Slytherins giggled but the rest stayed glaring up at him.

"What do you want?" Narcissa sighed.

"To walk and talk, madam."

Narcissa snorted derisively, "As if."

"Ok I'll talk to you here in front of ALL your friends…" Sirius compromised mischievously.

Narcissa's friends perked up in interest which did not go unnoticed by her, "Ok, you have two minutes."

She pushed herself off the ground, Sirius offered her an arm. Narcissi glared at it until he dropped it. "Lucius will be wondering if he see's."

"Ohhh what are you planning on him to see, my darling Narcissa?" Sirius asked innocently.

"Nothing, you filthy Gryffindor," Narcissa snapped.

Sirius grinned, "Are you using a spell on me? Because I feel the Engorgio Charm coming on!" He tipped her a huge wink.

"How crude!" Narcissa elbowed him hard in the side, "If Lucius heard about this, he'd curse you into next week!"

"Or he'll want to join us in our endeavours," Sirius suggested languidly.

"We have no endeavours Sirius!" Narcissa snapped.

"Calling me 'Sirius' now hmmm? Have you grown to like me during the course of this conversation?" Sirius teased which riled Narcissa up more.

"No, I dislike you even more _Black."_

"You keep telling yourself that Cissy. So are we on then?"

"On what?" Narcissa growled.

"Me. You. Lucius. Behind the Greenhouses at eight tonight?" Sirius pointed at himself, then at her then over at a random tree which was playing the part of Lucius in Sirius' mind.

"So we can duel?" Narcissa smiled evilly.

"Guess you could call it that," Sirius winked exaggeratedly again.

"We'll be there," Narcissa confirmed.

"Great," Sirius grinned and walked off.

Narcissi smiled excitedly after him, she knew they weren't going there to duel but sometimes its better doing role play. Now she only had to decide to bring Lucius or not…

**Hope you like! Review please! Oh and the person who requested Sirius/Lupin can you request again sorry ive got the request written down just not the username **


	28. Seamus and Lavender

**A few chapters ago I asked if anyone knew what song the Rose/Scorpius was based on and these people got It right…. Chloexo, DobbysPolkaDottedSocks, Tortilla, My Desks Name is Alfred, XxSarcasmandCakeXx and PureAwsomeness13 got it right! The answer was Love the Way You Lie, Rhianna & Eminem.**

**Anywho this is Seamus/Lavender, it wasn't requested but I just HAD 2 do an Irish person in celebration of Paddies day! Hope you have an amazing day :D personally im doubly proud of being Irish 2day :D WOOPP. And this will be extremely stereotyping Ireland, I couldn't help myself…:P**

"Where are you bringing me Seamus?" Lavender giggled as Seamus pulled her down the stairs of their new two-story house nestled in the countryside.

"You'll see," he grinned at her over his shoulder. They stopped in front of the fireplace in their snug sitting room. Lavender looked at it, an eyebrow raised.

"Are we roasting marshmallows?" she guessed.

Seamus laughed, "Are you sure you're a witch? We're flooing of course!"

Lavender blushed at how oblivious she was, "Oh, right."

Seamus threw a handful of floo powder into the fireplace while saying clearly, "Wicklow Gap."

He stood into the fire and vanished in a swirl of green flame. Lavender followed suit, excitedly wondering what was going to be at the 'Wicklow Gap'.

She shut her eyes tight, forcing not to let her dizziness overshadow her eagerness. She tripped awkwardly out into a small sitting room, she coughed and glanced around. Seamus was chatting with an elderly woman in a green cloak that matched the colour of Seamus' robes. Seamus looked up and grinned.

"Ah here's the love of my life – being without her is like being afflicted with the Cruciatus Curse," Seamus spoke casually to the woman but with underlying truth in his words.

Lavender rolled her eyes. Seamus held out his hand, "C'mon, let's go outside."

Outside the sitting room was a tight hallway, Seamus led his way and opened the front door. Lavender followed him and her mouth dropped at what she saw.

The Wicklow Gap was empty fields that went on for miles, a few cottages and stone ruins were dotted in the ridge below her, what looked like a cliff face was opposite her. The amazing landscape surrounding her wasn't the reason, however, that she was unable to keep her mouth closed. A clearing below ground level held thousands of people. Most of them whirled around in green robes, chatting and laughing with each other. Some laughed and clapped at the group of leprechauns doing an Irish jig in the centre of the huge gathering. Shamrocks were dotted on the ground, which was occasionally trampled by the running children squealing for more green candyfloss.

"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!"

A loud noise startled Lavender out of her shock, she looked up in surprise to where the noise was coming from and was brought back into her shock once more. A green dragon was flying powerfully above their heads, with gold glitter sprouting out of his tail and sprinkling on the amused crownd below.

"What is this place?" Lavender managed to choke out to Seamus.

Seamus grinned widely at her, "It's the Irish Wizards St. Patrick's Day of course!"

Lavender smiled, still in shock, "Happy St. Patrick's Day then."

**HAPPY PADDIE DAY! :D :D the Wicklow Gap is actualy a plce and I think itt would be the perfect place for a secret parade ;D I didn't do it justice in the description though :/**

**Congradulations to numbertwobiggesthpfan who was the 300****th**** reviewer! 300! I still can't believe it thanks to all who reviewed! !:D :D**

**Review please and tell me if u have any plans for 2day! :D**


	29. Narcissa and Snape

**Narcissa Malfoy/Snape as requested by jokegirl **** hope you like! Thanks for all who have revieed/alerted/favourited! :D in this, BEWARE Narcissa has quite a dirty mind.**

"Narcissa, can you get some of our finest goblin wine from the cellar?" Lucius turned to his blonde wife, "Oh and if you see Severus, please send him up. He must be here before the Dark Lord arrives."

"I'll be sure too," Narcissa smiled wanly.

She left the Death Eater meeting with relief, it was so _morbid _in there, you'd swear they were some sort of sinister cult… No it was just a nice friendly meeting between friends…with a strange name.

Draco cried in the nursery as she passed, Narcissa sighed. She leaned in the doorway, and stared at the gift that was rewarded to them after their one and _only _night together. Lucius and herself hadn't did anything for almost a year now. She was tempted to take Lucius out of the room and bring him up to their bedroom and if he refused to come, she'd force him down on the table and do it right there, in front of their 'friends'. Yes it would be something for them to talk about in their own mansions, something other than mudbloods and money.

She had this fantasy many times but it stayed just that; a fantasy. She scowled, she wanted, no _needed _it. Right. Now.

It was in this moment that Severus finally decided to show up, he nodded to Narcissa as he passed. She grabbed him by the robes and dragged him into the room opposite Draco's nursery.

Snape looked around her, completely bewildered. Narcissi raised an eyebrow as she shut the door behind them, "Want to learn how to speak Troll? I'll get you grunting in no time."

She forced him down onto the bed, Snape looked around helplessly as she took of his shoes. "I emm LUCIUS!" Snape managed to splutter a reason to her as to why they shouldn't be doing what they were doing.

"You know, it's not polite to scream out someone else's name during sexual intercourse," Narcissa informed him calmly, though she felt mounting excitement in her body as she flung off her robes.

"NO! He -" Snape attempted again, swallowing at the sight of this beautiful woman's naked body.

"Should be here?" Narcissa finished for him, "I didn't know you swung that way, Severus." She continued to take off his clothes, regardless.

"No! I mean he'd kill me!" Severus muttered as she crawled catlike onto the bed, nearing him, a hungry expression on his face.

"No you're a better wands man the him, Severus. That's what I've always like about you. You're so good with your _hands."_

At this she took his hand and guided it to places that he was too scared to touch. "That's it," Narcissa grinned at him as she pounced, "Live life on the edge."

…**hope you don't mind me ending it there….:P thought it would get a bit too graphic :P**

**Anyway review please and I'll love you forever! :D**


	30. SIrius and Remus

**Lupin/Sirius as requested by alice, Tara Nolatari and don'tblameme33. Hope you like!**

**And thanks to all who have reviewed/alerted/favourite! :D :D and sorry its been a week but this week has been mad busy :/ and if anyone knows a way 2 post new stories can u contact Elf Knighy as she (he?) is having trouble getting them up. We know how 2 update stories just not how 2 put new ones up thanks!**

"I'm hornier than a Moose," Sirius said casually.

"A moose?" Remus puzzled, looking up from his knitting.

"Yeah."

"Well _that _clears everything up, thanks."

"You know," Sirius pointed his fingers up on top of his head, "Because they've got horns."

"They're antlers," Remus pointed out patiently.

"Just an expression, Moony, don't get so Sirius," Sirius laughed to himself.

Remus rolled his eyes.

"You're probably wondering why I'm hornier than a moose."

"Not really," Remus said dryly, "You probably just saw a nice poodle."

"Haha," Sirius said sarcastically. "But no, not that. I remembered it's our one year anniversary today!"

"I told you that five times yesterday," Remus told him exasperatedly.

"So I was thinking as you're present," Sirius began slyly with a smile Remus knew only too well.

"You're going to buy me the Book of Dark Arts I wanted?" Remus finished.

"Em no," Sirius brushed that off quickly, "You know what I want?"

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"I know you want me to manage your mischief!"

"Maybe some other time," Remus said in a bored voice.

Suddenly Sirius jumped up, his hands on his hips, "That's what you're always saying lately! What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Remus sighed and picked up his needles and began to knit once more.

"What's that you're knitting?" Sirius asked suddenly.

"Nothing," Remus repeated, but this time he looked inexplicably nervous.

"No, show me!" Sirius demanded.

"No, go away," Remus knew he sounded like a child but he didn't care.

Sirius tugged on it the corner of the blue material, Remus held the other end tight.

A tug of war began both pulling back and forward with all their strength until –

.

Both men dropped it and stared down at the ripped piece of clothing on the ground, Remus' eyes filled up with tears, "No Peter!" he whispered, and rounded on Sirius, "You ruin everything!"

"What did you mean by, 'no Peter'?" Sirius wondered.

"N-nothing." Remus said for the third time this evening, stuttering.

Realization rippled across Sirius' handsome face before crumbling down into hurt, "It all makes sense now," he whispered. He backed out of the room.

Remus watched him go, his heart sinking.

**Ok this one-shot just plopped out of me :P review please? :D**


	31. Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey

**Dumbledore/Pompfrey as requested by noname (literally…)**

**Hope you like! And a big thakns to KittyRin who actually made up this pickup line! :D AND thanks to all who have reviewed! :D**

"!"

"Calm down, Malfoy! It can't hurt that much," Poppy Pomfrey said impatiently to a sixteen year old Lucius Malfoy.

Lucius snivelled, "But it hurts so _baaaad."_

"You broke a _nail,_ get over yourself. The Malfoy's were always a bunch of whiners and trust me, your kid will too!" Madame Pomfrey snapped.

"My father will hear about this!" Lucius retorted.

Fifteen year old Narcissa patted his arm in comfort while glaring at the woman.

Madam Pomfrey threw up her arms, "Just be out of here by seven." She walked over to a boy opposite him who was actually hurt, unlike the pathetic Malfoy. Though it was middle December and freezing even inside the castle, Remus Lupin was sweating. She wiped it gently off his face and murmured softly, "Poor kid."

"I love that about you Poppy." Poppy started and turned around. Albus was staring at her through those piercing blue eyes of his. "You're like a rose – you show nothing but thorns, but inside you're a soft petal."

Madame Pomfrey blushed, but said in an even voice, "How is it that you can see everyone's personality within a blink of your eyes?"

"A gift," Albus answered, "That I often neglect to listen to when it comes to certain characters."

Poppy nodded solemnly, and stared at the misleading face of an old man. The only thing that hinted at his youthful soul was his deep purple earmuffs.

"Your earmuffs are lovely, Professor, if I may be so bold," Poppy inclined her head to him, smiling, delighted when he began to blush.

Catching sight of his red face in the mirror, Dumbledore exclaimed, "Oh my! I don't think I've ever been this red before! And probably won't for a long time. You really should not fool an old man, Poppy."

Madame Pomfrey snorted, "You'll never be old Albus. Old face. Old heart. But your soul will always be in Netherland."

…**and THAT my friends is how the scene of 'I havn't blushed this much since Madame Pomfrey complimented my earmuffs' began… hope you like! And REVIEW PLEASE! :D**


	32. Tonks and Remus

**Remus/tonks as requested by Teddy R. Lupin, Orange Polarbear, Laure. Is. A. Dreamer hoe you all enjoy! And thankyou to every1 who has revewed/faves/alerted! :D**

Nymphadora Tonks stared out her window, the silver of the moon bathing her as she stared at its full circumference. She sighed, knowing somewhere the man she loved was hurting and losing himself, turning into a beast, something he was so far from. Even with the potion, she knew he wasn't sane. A thought struck her…maybe he could reach sanity, with practise…

She apparated at his gate as she did so many times before (many of them uninvited) and raked her eyes over the run-down cottage Remus had inherited from his parents. The beam of the full moon lighting the house, enabling her to see the vines trailing the walls, the tiled roof missing a few slates and the paint chipping in places made a scuffy but comfortable looking home, Tonks had often reflected how it fitted Remus perfectly.

She didn't bother knocking, he wouldn't be able to hear it, let alone get up from his huddled position on the floor to answer it. It wasn't locked, if intruders had managed to get through the Fidleus charm, what use would a locking charm do? Inside, she bent her head to avoid the low beams and listened. A low whining was coming from a room near her. She had been in his house often enough that she knew it was coming from his bedroom, her favourite room in his house.

Taking a deep breath, she wondered if she could go through with her plan. He would be furious with her, he would hate for her to see him in his werewolf from even when he was tamed under the influence of the potion. But on the other hand, if this helped him in the long run, who could blame her? A whine made her decision for her, it sounded lonely so she pushed open the bedroom door and took a step forward.

A lamp was on and it dimly lit the room, enough for her to see within. A large animal lay curled up in a ball on the floor, rocking back and forwards ever so slightly, it was unnerving to see such a fearsome beast so vulnerable. Tonks took a step towards the mythical monster, the first time seeing one up close. The wolf gave a start and Tonks heart leapt into her throat. She stood deadly still as the wolf turned slowly around , his large eyes blinking as though just waking up from a long sleep. The eyes were distant, yet intelligent and Tonks could see her soulmate in them. This gave her courage and she took another tentative step forward. The werewolf scuttled back, letting out a scared moan.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Tonks said in soothing tones, crouching down to appear smaller. The werewolf ducked its head and refused to look at her. It was one of the most heart breaking things Tonks had ever seen. She shuffled awkwardly but quietly over to the werewolf's side. She reached her fingers forward, the wolf growled at her. She stopped. The wolf rolled around. She reached for him again, lacing her fingers through the soft, long fur. He shivered under her touch. Tonks smiled, maybe he knew it was her.

"Remus."

She spoke his name softly. He didn't move. "I hope you don't mind that I came but my heart is splinched without you."

To this the wolf the wolf moved his head slightly, not to look at her but through the window. Tonks looked up to. She didn't know if he understood her, or even heard her but for now she was happy to hold onto the love of her life and gaze at the moon.

**Hope you like!**

**Please review!**


	33. Hermione and Tom Ridddle

**Tom Riddle/Hermione as requested by Alice, hope you like and thanks to everyone who has reviewed/alerted/favourited!**

**I'm sorry this has took so long, I've recently become obsessed with Sims on the computer and my internet has been down so I hope you like this odd couple! ;) **

It was the evening she had returned from the hospital wing, fresh-faced and de-whiskered, when Harry showed her the diary. Hermione had never owned a diary, she had always regarded it as something silly girls wrote in when no one else would listen to their pointless prattle about their days events but this one was…different. She couldn't explain it, perhaps it was because it came from the magical world but a large part was the intrigue that it might hold an explanation for the mysterious events unveiling within the castle.

Her spell hadn't worked, her revealer (which she was relieved had finally found a purpose) had shown nothing. Maybe it _was _just an empty diary, but she still held onto it, long after the boys went to bed. She carelessly flicked open the front page and wrote her name in joint, practising her hand writing for when she was writing home. But no sooner had she wrote her name and the added 'smartest in the class' did it fade into the worn pages. Her heart skipped a beat and she dipped her quill in an ink pot on the table quickly, but before her quill could reach the page, words appeared on the page.

_Smartest in the class? Not if I was in it._

Hermione gasped, she glanced to the stairs wondering whether to call the boys but decided against it. Maybe after this conversation.

_**I doubt that, who are you?**_

Hermione sat back, watching the page greedily as her words sunk into it.

_Tom Riddle, Head Boy, so I think that shows I know a little more than you._

_**Of course, you own this diary…**_

The conversation continued late into the night until she finally bade goodnight to diary. But it had begun, she was becoming obsessed with it, or rather, _him._

She was careful not to write in it around Ron and Harry, she often had to sneak it out of Harry's school bag and when Harry, too, found how the diary works she carefully placed a suitable reaction on her face. But inside she was terrified Tom Riddle would tell Harry about her, that she knew all along and the secrets she wrote in there.

That night she leaked her emotions onto the same clean page as the first time she had ever wrote in it.

_**I need a pensieve because my head's filled with thoughts of you…**_

The words sunk in, Hermione waited with bated breath.

_Who needs a pensieve when you've got your own diary?_

Hermione grinned, she really did _love _books.

**Hope you like! REVIEW PLEASE!**


	34. Harry and Hermione

**Harry/Hermione as requested by Miss Hermione Granger 1995 and Elf Knight, hope you's like and thanks to everyone who's reviewed/favourite/alerted! :D**

"…AND HARRY POTTER CATCHES THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WIN 220-100!"

"Well done, mate!" George clapped him on the shoulder, heading out of the changing room.

"Brilliant catch!" Fred added, following his twin.

Harry found himself alone in the changing room, he pulled his Quiddich robes over his head –

"You played amazingly today Harry."

Harry jumped and spun around, bare-chested. Hermione blushed and looked away.

"Thanks, where's Ron?" Harry asked.

"Gone back to the common room, planning a surprise party for you – oops wasn't suppose to say anything..." Hermione rolled her eyes, there was never a chance of a 'surprise' party at Hogwarts.

Harry grinned, "The rest of the team deserve the party just as much as me."

"Yes, but you are a _really _good seeker," Hermione spoke meaningfully and slowly, taking a step towards him. Harry still hadn't put his robes back on. Harry's breath washed over her like a cool breeze.

Harry's brilliant green eyes smouldering into Hermione's brown melted her very soul.

"If you were the Snitch, and I the Seeker, would you let me catch you?" Harry murmured, bending his head, so there faces were millimetres apart.

"Always," Hermioine breathed, hypnotized.

Harry touched his lips with hers, Hermione circled her arms around his neck, drawing him closer.

"Ehh COUGH."

Harry and Hermione looked over towards the voice, the arms still clinging to one another. There stood the entire Gryffindor house, some holding food, others holding yellow and red flags. Ron stood in the middle of the crowd, "Surprise?"

"SURPRISEEEE!" The rest of the house echoed him loudly.

"Ahhhh so the party came to me," Harry smiled.

"Looks like you were already having one, mate," Fred tipped him a large wink, then grinned at Hermione.

"Are we just going to be standing here the whole night of are we going to PARTY?" Ginny pushed through the crowd, grabbed a firewhiskey bottle out of George's hand and took a deep drink. She flicked her hair, glared at Hermione and screamed, "PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

**So hope you like and please review **


	35. Harry and Ginny Part 3

**Another instalment of Harry/Ginny now! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed/alerted/favourite! Ovr 400 reviews! :') im so happy :D**

**Sorry for the wait my internet has been down and ive been veeeery busy pretending 2 study, harder than you think if you must know…**

**And im not taking anymore requests **

"Are you ready?" Ron asked, almost as nervous as Harry.

Harry flattened down his unruly hair and nodded weakly. Basilisks he could handle. Acromantuala was a piece of cake. Even killing Voldemort seemed simple compared to the task he had before him. Proposing to Ginny however…that was going to be a problem…

"If she says no and denies me of you as my brother, I'll have a few words with her," Ron told him firmly, straightening his collar.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "As if Ron, you'd run a mile before she even took out her wand. Not that she'll say no Harry!" Hermione told Harry hastily, who's emerald eyes matched the growing colour on his face.

"Just think – tonight we'll be celebrating in the Three Broomsticks!" Ron assured him. "And what are you going to say?"

Harry smiled a bit, "I have it all planned out; are you a dementor, because you just took my breath away. And then I'll take out the ring."

"How romantic! I'm glad _some_ people put thought into their proposal," Hermione sighed, looking pointedly at Ron. Ron shuffled his feet and Harry turned towards the fireplace. He threw in a handful of Floo powder and squeaked,

"The B-B-Buu_rOW!"_

"_What _did Harry just say?" Hermione asked anxiously to Ron.

"I heard Bore Ewe," Ron answered chewing on a toffee, "And I could so take on Ginny!"

"Not important now Ron! We have to see if Harry made it to the Burrow."

Ginny stood up, looking elegant in a strapless black dress, grinning when she saw the flames swirl, "Har-! Hermione?" Ginny looked confused.

Hermione brushed the air out of her hair, "So Harry's not here then?"

"No, he was supposed to come now."

"Right! Now-" Hermione got cut off by Ron flooing in behind her.

"Blimey, Hermione, tell me next time when you're going to floo off!" Ron too brushed ash out of his red hair. "Where's Harry?"

"I imagine in Bore Ewe, like you heard," Hermione sighed.

"That's a real _place?" _Ron looked impressed with himself that his gibberish was accurate.

"Yep, let's go," Hemione stood into the fireplace once more. Ron followed suit.

"What? Bore Ewe? Where's Harry?" Ginny called after the swirling image of her brother. She groaned and collapsed back onto the couch.

"DID YOU BRING FLOO POWDER?" Harry clutched onto Hermione's robes. She jumped back.

"Don't scare me like that Harry! And what do you mean?"

Ron flooed in behind her, looking around at the barn he had appeared in, a ewe and a sleeping bore were snuggled up in the corner, Ron realized that's where the name came from.

"Because there's no floo powder and you can't apparate out of here," Harry moaned, "This was supposed to be a perfect day!"

"Don't worry," Hermione soothed, calmly.

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Ron screamed at the top of his lungs.

Grrrrrowlllllllllllllllllll.

"You woke up the bore, idiot!" Harry scolded Ron, looking warily at the bore that was slowly getting to his feet. He glanced around and shook himself out, while staring unblinkingly at the trio. The trio stared back, holding the breaths.

Suddenly the bore charged. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The trio sprinted to the door, doing a hurdle leap over the resting ewe. The bore was right on their heels.

"YEOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Ron clutched his butt in agony as they exploded out the door. Hermione slammed the door of the barn and panted. She turned to Ron and saw blood coming from the back of his robes. She burst out laughing, "Only _you _could get bitten on the butt by a bore!"

Meanwhile Harry was closing his eyes and trying to get to Ginny. "No luck," Harry scowled.

BAM. "And now the bore is trying to smash his way out of the barn…could this day get any worse?"

"Well you could be bleeding on the ground with your arse aching," Ron moaned on the ground.

Hermione and Harry laughed and joined Ron on the ground.

_1 HOUR LATER._

"Ow."

"Be quiet Ron."

_2 HOURS LATER. _

"I'll never be Ginny's husband."

_3 HOURS LATER._

"I'm hungry and sore."

"I repeat – be sorry Ron."

_TO BE CONTINUED…_

**Tune in on chapter 45 to see the continuation and the last instalment of the Harry/Ginny chronicles! :D hope you like and review plese**


	36. Dominique and Lorcan

**Now Dominique/Lorcan as requested by Cheese and Onions, sorry its been a while I had exams and then the day after I got for summer I got a strep throat :/ but its all better now so here I am **

**Thanks for all the review/alerts/favourites! :D**

Dominique flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder as she squinted up to see what had blocked her sun. Her brown eyes travelled up a black robe but stopped midriff.

She rolled off her stomach and crossed her legs to get a better look at the wizard. She raised an eyebrow and smirked, "Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Lorcan Scamander rolled his eyes, "Still the same conceited Dom, I see."

Dominique waved her Transfiguration book to fight the heat of the summer, "Louis is inside, _he _might actually want to talk to you. Go away now Lorcan…or is it Lysander?" She blinked sweetly up at him.

"You really are a true blonde aren't you? Lysander and I aren't even identical," Lorcan snorted.

"Or maybe I just don't give a shit to learn your names?" Dom snapped, she disliked anyone insulting her about her brains.

"Did you hear about the new magic mirror in the Leaky Cauldron?" Lorcan asked suddenly.

Dom didn't answer but interest was clear on her face, as she looked out at the sparkling sea.

Lorcan grinned, "Well this magic mirror sucks you in if you tell a lie so three girls went into test it. One was a brunette, the other a redhead and the other was -"

"A _blonde? _No, Lorcan, I don't want to hear another one of your annoying 'jokes'," Dom wrenched her gaze from the sea and fixed it on Lorcan.

Lorcan grinned wider, he loved rattling up Dominique. "Yes she was a blonde as a matter of fact. Anywho the brunette walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the whole world", the mirror sucked her in.

"Next the redhead went up to it and said, "I think I'm the most successful woman in the world", the mirror also sucked her in.

"Lastly, the blonde walked up to the mirror and said, "I think -" and the mirror sucked her in."

Lorcan laughed out loud, "C'mon that one was good."

Dominique jumped up, "No it wasn't. Your jokes are never, and never will be, funny!" She whirled around, but then stopped and turned to him, "You do know that you have blonde hair too? So you've just insulted yourself as well."

Lorcan rumpled his hair and gave a smile to show off his dimples, "But I'm smart enough to get the jokes."

Dominique glared at him and stormed into her house, Lorcan close at her footsteps.

"I hate you!" Dom growled at Lorcan as she speeded into the kitchen and into the hall. Lorcan smiled at the rest of her family seated around the kitchen table, along with his brother Lysander.

"Annoying my daughter again?" Bill asked, his face amused.

He shrugged and took a seat at the table, "She loves me really."

**I really love this couple so I might actually expand on this one-shot some time, keep an eye on my page **

**So hope you like and please review!**


	37. Ted and Andromeda

**Thanks so much for all the reviews/alerts/favourites! This is Ted Tonks/Andromeda Black as requested by laura. Is. A. Dreamer, beckylovesriddle and Orange Polarbear, soory for the wait my internets no working AGAIN :/ so ive finally got time 2 right it on another computer **** hope you like!  
**

"I don't have any muggle money but I dohave a sickle and two knuts," a blonde haired boy called Ben Abbott winked to a fellow Hufflepuff girl, Louise.

"Excuse me while I go get _sickle," _she sneered and turned to her friends. Ben held up his hands in surrender and walked back to his laughing friends.

Ted Tonks slapped his friend on the shoulder, "That was quality mate," and wiped a tear of laughter from his eye.

"Right, your turn now," said the blushing Ben, "I dare you to chat up…" Ben scanned the Great Hall, pausing on Molly Prewett for a moment before her boyfriend, Arthur, glared at him – he quickly moved on. His eyes wandered through the Ravenclaw table but couldn't choose anyone who could truly humiliate the scheming Ted. But when his eyes flicked through the Slytherin table, his eyes fell on the perfect candidate. A wide grin spread across his face.

"Oh no, I don't like the look of that smile," Ted looked warily at Ben.

"…Andromeda Black," Ben continued as though Ted hadn't spoken.

Ted paled as their friends erupted with cheers ad laughter at the thought of cheery Ted walking up to the most feared and beautiful girl in Hogwarts, after her older sister, Bellatrix, of course, and using one of their many crude pickup lines.

Ted gulped and glanced back to where Andromeda was sitting with her Slytherin friends. Luckily her sister or the Lestranges were nowhere in sight. If he was going to do it, this would be the perfect time.

"All right," Ted smiled cockily, "I'll do it."

His friends let out loud whoops that turned heads, "You'll be a legend, Ted!" One friend clapped him on the shoulder. Ted grinned and stood up. He wiped imaginary dust from his shoulder and swaggered over to Andromeda Black. His friends watched eagle-eyed, huge grins plaster across all their faces.

Ted's swag faded the closer he got to the Slytherin table, he slowed his walk and ran over the line he was supposed to use. He cringed and wondered what she would do when she heard it. He stopped at the table, standing directly opposite Andromeda. She sensed his stare and glanced up.

"What do you want mudblood?" Dolohov sneered at him. Andromeda's face remained calm as she watched Ted, not even blinking when Dolohov spoke.

Ted chose to ignore him too. As his eyes flicked back onto Andormeda's beautiful face, his pick-up suddenly became very true, "You don't even need to use _Lumos _to turn me on."

Ted went beet red the moment the words were out of his mouth but he remained where he was. He wanted to see her reaction. Would it be an embarrassed giggle? He highly doubted it. Or maybe a mean but witty come-back like Louise? Or maybe just mean?

Dolohov and her friends made noises of outrage, Dolohov actually stood p with rage. Ted took an uncertain step back.

Andromeda sat back and raised a hand at Dolohov to sit down. "Nice to know," she smiled at Ted, serenely. Dolohov and Ted shared the same feeling of shock.

"That's _it? _The mudblood deserves some punishment!" Dolohov growled at her.

Andromeda rolled her eyes, "It's just a silly game his friends are playing, let the children play in peace."

Dolohov seemed satisfied with this response and sat down again. Ted continued to stare.

Andromeda smiled kindly at him, looking quite at odds with her previous patronising tone. "Go back to your game," she murmured so low that Ted wondered if he heard her right but he nodded anyway and walked back to the Hufflepuff table in a daze.

When he sat down, Ben waved a hand in front of his face. "Hello? Earth to Ted? What the hell did they do to you mate?"

"Nothing…" Ted responded dreamily. "But I think I'm in love."

**Woop,**** TWO pickup lines in one :D please review!**

**I'm heading off to the Gaeltacht (like a camp where you learn Irish) for 3 weeks so you wont have another chapter for a while! Sorry hope you can all wait!**


	38. Neville and Professor Sprout

**Ok I know it has been a LONG time since I uploaded but I just could never get around to doing it. I just didn't know what to write about anymore So I'm very sorry about the extreeeeeeeeemely long wait but I hope you like this one. It's a weird pair, I don't think I've ever read about these two, (probably with good reason) this wasn't requested for because I can't find the notebook where I wrote all your requests so just go with it.. :L **

Neville found Professor Sprout sobbing in her greenhouse, her tears falling on the squirming _Bubotuber _plant.

"Professor?" Neville spoke cautiously, wondering what could be wrong with his favourite teacher who is usually so cheerful.

Sprout looked up quickly, caught off guard, "O-o-oh n-n-nothing," she hiccupped, brushing away tears that were still falling down her plump cheeks. Neville went to her, sitting awkwardly beside her on the greenhouse bench. He gingerly patted her chubby arms. It seemed to help, soon her tears stopped coming and she smiled weakly at Neville and murmured, "Thank-you dear."

"What's wrong?" Neville asked, mostly out of concern, but curiosity played a part too.

"Nothing. I was just being silly. Now that you're here, would you mind watering the _Bubotuber _plants on the other tables, I've already drowned these one's," she laughed shakily, pointing at the plants in front of her that she had drenched in tears.

He stood up and put his hands on his hips, "Tell me what's the matter."

Sprout stared at him in shock, Neville quite surprised himself. The last time he showed any kind of authority ended with him lying stiff as a board on the common room floor. But now here he was, being demanding to a _teacher._

In her shock, Sprout blurted something out, "Severus called me fat." She immediately went the colour of plum pudding, her hand covering her mouth.

Neville's eyebrows shot up, he knew Snape was nasty but he thought his contempt ended when he reached the staffroom. Obviously not.

He sat back down beside her and murmured in a quiet voice, "So what if your fat? A lot of men like that."

Sprout snorted, "Yeah right – look at me. My butt is the size of two quaffles." Neville smothered a laugh, because now that she said it, they really _did _resemble quaffles.

Neville cleared his throat to get back what he was going to say, "You know that's a good thing. I heard a muggle singing about this."

"Really?" This time it was Sprout who raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah, it's a really nice song actually."

"Sing it to me," Sprout requested.

Neville reddened slightly but began singing quietly, slowly getting louder and more confident. The words Sprout heard were so beautiful and reassuring, tears of joy ran down her face. These words were the most wonderful she had heard in her entire life. They touched her right down to her core. She sat back, closed her eyes and listened to the beautiful words…

"I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny…" Neville started clapping, Sprout listened, drinking every word in. "Shake that healthy butt! Baby get back!"

But her favourite lyric, the one that really spoke to her, was; "So Cosmo says you're fat but I ain't down with that!"

When he finished, she wiped a tear from her eye, "That was beautiful."

"You're beautiful," Neville replied, a tad bit too overcome by the dim lighting in the greenhouse and the smell of the plants. "In fact I don't think you're fat at all. I thought your name was _Avada Kedavra _because you've got a killer body!"

Sprout's mouth dropped open in utter shock. She did feel complimented though and Neville was the first person ever to use a chat-up line on her. He was leaning in and Sprout, suddenly feeling like a savvy seventeen year old, leaned in as well. Their lips touched for a moment, before their eyes sprung open. They jumped away from each other, eyeing each other confused as though neither could remember how they got into this situation.

"I think we should just keep this to ourselves," Sprout told him, flattening down her robes, feeling flustered.

"Agreed."

**So hope you like this and hopefully I'll more ideas for the next few chapters!**

**REVIEW!**


	39. Percy and Audrey

**READ HERE ON ORDERS OF DUMBLEDORE.**

**Ok so I haven't been what you called the**_** greatest **_**of uploaders and I'm still having trouble trying to write these chapters, so here is one now and I know this sounds incredibly lazy from me but I'll attempt to gloss over it to make it sound like I'm helping you, the reader, and not the other way around. So here it is; would anyone be interested in writing a chapter on a couple (who I haven't already previously done) of your choice and send it to me and I will upload it, don't worry I will give you full credit for it. Just a few of my loyal reviewers (:D) seem to have loads of ideas of their own for a chapter and honestly I'm scared of ruining it for you. I'm talking about ****Elf Knight ****and her Honks idea and ****FlittingGemini****, fairly sure you had an idea too! But anyone can send in and hopefully the pairing won't clash with anyone else's!**

**So, yes hopefully this request hasn't lost me my dignity…READ AND REVIEW! **

Percy Weasley hurried down Diagon Alley, the flashing beacon of a larger than life ginger man his destination. He took off his hat and opened the door of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes before glancing at this week's poster on the window. _Love and Sleep Potions are now unable to be sold together_.

"What's that about then?" Percy nodded to the sign, when George approached. His face clouded.

"Oh, some charming character has discovered that by combining the two it forms into a new potion. A nasty one, I might add – they're calling it the Date Rape Potion. And obviously, the ministry didn't want me encouraging that sort of behaviour so Ron popped over to tell me to put a sign up."

"Ah," Percy said uncomfortably, "Speaking of dates, not rape, _dates – _I, eh, need your help."

George brightened and rubbed his hands together gleefully, "You need a date! You're in luck, Verity is recently single," he lowered his voice, "didn't come as a surprise to be hone -"

"What were you saying George?" Verity stood, hands on hips staring at her boss.

George cleared his throat, "Just saying how stupid that chap was to break up with you…but don't wallow in your self-despair too long, my dear Verity! Percy here has just come along to take you on a date."

"_No I didn't," _Percy hissed.

"Oh and why not? Do you think I'm not good enough for you, Percy? I'm sick of all you Weasley's!" Verity stormed into the back room.

George looked at Percy reproachfully, "Well that wasn't very nice of you, was it?"

Percy exhaled loudly, "Listen I just came for your help in asking a girl out, but clearly -"

"One tip – tell her you're a Weasley. Witches _lovvve _the whole war-hero story, trust me." George winked at a passing witch. She blushed and tripped over the Canary Creams display. The crash brought Verity out of the back room.

"Oh good, Verity, clean that up will you?" George gestured to the mess of Canary Creams. "I'm going for lunch with Percy."

"Was Verity ok?" Percy asked over a bowl of soup. "She was practically twitching when we left."

"She just can't handle direction very well," George laughed, "Now, tell me, will my advice get you the date?"

"No.."

"Why not!"

"She's… a muggle."

George's spoon clattered to the table and he let out a booming laugh. "Percy! Big Headed Percy-"

"I would rather you didn't call me that." Percy muttered.

"Fancying a muggle! Never thought I'd see the day, wait until I tell Fr-Ron!" George laughed again, though more quietly.

"If you're just going to laugh, I'll leave," Percy said with irritation.

"Don't be like that Perc! I'll help, I'll help." George wiped his face with his napkin. "Ok first of all, you need to impress her with some of your wildly original magic tricks. Then seal the deal with a few fine words of praise to the dear girl. Got it? Ok? Impress me."

"….And _that _is how Audrey and Percy got together! Yes, all because of some wise words from yours truly," The audience groaned, "Is the reason why these two wonderful people are getting married here today." George smiled and lifted his champagne glass, "Hope you two live long and happy lives! Together, obviously, if not Audrey you can go die." George laughed, "Only joking, don't worry!"

"Someone's had a bit too much to drink," Hermione muttered to Ron. "Change the subject before he starts organising her bloody funeral."

Ron cleared his throat, "Oy Percy! You never told us what the 'few fine words of praise' were!"

The audience laughed, Percy groaned and shielded his face with his hands.

"TELL US! TELL US!" George started up a rowdy chant which soon all guests joined in. Audrey poked Percy in the side, "Go on tell them, it was cute," she laughed.

Percy groaned again. He held up both hands to calm down the guests. He took Audrey's hands and looked at her like she was the only one in the entire room, which was not an easy feat with George doing a drum solo on the top of his head.

"You must be magical, because I've fallen under your spell."

The female population of the room let out a unified "_Awwwwwwwwwwwwww."_

The male population sat back and noted in the back of their heads. Hey, it could be useful sometime.

**Well there it was, hope you enjoyed it, review!**


	40. Marauders

**Well it has been a veeeeeery long time. And to those who haven't just joined this story will no doubt have noticed how I have slyly changed the name from '50' to '40'. It's just I only have one finished story on my page and I love this one and I just wanted to finish it or I know I'll be annoyed about it for the next billion years. I knew I wouldn't have enough material (my imagination has unfortunately been draining recently – I blame the internet) for another 11 chapters so I just decided to finish with one. But to stop you all from hating me completely I have put in more than one pickup line. Thanks to everyone who has ever read/reviewed/followed/favourite this story and has the patience to still come back and read the last chapter. Hope you like x**

They woke up the next morning to the sound of Peter vomiting into his cauldron. He stared at his sick through blurry eyes for a moment before rolling back onto his head with a groan.

'Mate, you owe me two sickles. I said you wouldn't be able to hold down that Firewhiskey,' Sirius murmured, his eyes half open the beginning of a smile appearing on his face.

Peter just groaned louder. Sirius and James laughed before moaning themselves. '_My head,' _James complained. 'What even _happened_ last night?'

At this point Remus was also awake and sitting up. 'Never again, _never _again.'

'We only get the celebrate finishing our OWLs once and personally, I think the night was quite successful.' Sirius grinned.

James raised an eyebrow, 'I don't think I saw any of you last night, so who was it then Padfoot?'

'Charity Burbage, snuck out with a few other fourth years-'

'Oh yeah I saw Regulus last night actually,' Moony interrupted.

Sirius nodded, 'Oh yes he was a vital part in my choice. Charity's a muggle-born, kissed her right in front of him. Oh I wish I saw his face, I only saw the back of the bastard as he left.'

'So you kissed her just to get to your brother? Nice.' Moony muttered.

Sirius threw a pillow at him, 'She was throwing herself at me anyway, pissing that Slytherin lick-arse off was just a bonus.' He stretched and grinned at the memory, 'I wish you heard the line I used on her. First time it's worked.'

'What?' James laughed.

'Ok so I took her by the hands, looked her right in the eye and – with a completely straight face mind you – said "So girls call me 'Argumenti', because every time they hear my name they get wet."'

James and Peter burst into laughter and Remus joined in despite of himself. 'She must have downed a bit too much mulled mead to have swallowed that dragon shit,' James laughed.

The resulting laughter caused Peter to vomit again into his cauldron. He wiped his mouth.

'I think I'll go to the bathroom,' Peter muttered, pulling back his blankets and getting up.

They watched him stumble out of the dormitory when Sirius suddenly spoke up, 'Ok Moony, I know occasionally you get the urge to rip of your clothes and turn into a furry little hairball but it wasn't a full moon last night _and _you usually wear pyjamas. So tell me – are you completely naked under there?' He nodded to the blanket.

Remus frowned down at himself and pulled up his blanket. He spluttered 'Wh-aa-aa – I don't – How – Oh shit yeah.' He then looked up, 'I have decided nudity would be a more comfortable sleeping arrangement.'

'Oh really?' Sirius raised an eyebrow, 'And you just _happened _to make this rational decision after a night in which you consumed your body weight in Roz's finest rum?'

When he mentioned Rosmerta, Remus blushed. James laughed, 'It's to do with Rosmerta! What did you do?'

'I just – eh – no. It's not very important. I think I'll join Wormy in the bathroom if you'd excuse me.'

The two boys looked at each other with wide grins. They jumped out of bed towards Remus'. Sirius kneeled on his bed and grabbed his shoulders from behind, pulling him back onto his bed, 'Oh no, we want to hear _every word.'_

James stood in front of them, arms folded, an expectant grin across his face.

Remus slowly raised his head, his blush has deepened to a red similar to the Gryffindor rubies and his tired eyes darted quickly to James, then to Sirius who was now sitting at his side. He sighed and looked at the floor.

'I mmmnnnn mnnnmmmn mmmm. And that's what happened.' Remus mumbled quickly.

Sirius punched him on the shoulder, 'Could you repeat that? I think we missed the part about you doing something.'

Remus sighed again, 'I may have said something to Rosmerta.'

'I'm going to assume the topic was one other than what beverage you were ordering?' James asked with a grin.

'It's Sirius fault!' He burst out. 'I overheard him talking to Charity and it worked out well for him so…'

'Wait, wait, wait. You used one of my pickup lines on Roz?' Sirius grinned widely and slapped him on the shoulder, 'You're the first to attempt such a deed. Good on you Moony, a drunken act worthy of Godric himself.' Sirius couldn't meet James' eyes as he struggled hard not to laugh.

'So what happened?' James asked, striving to keep a straight face.

'I swagged on over to her, you know so confident and – oh Merlin I don't even want to repeat it.'

His two friends urged him on loudly.

'I said,' Remus swallowed and continued quietly as though afraid others might hear, '_I've been whomping my willow thinking about you.' _He then groaned amidst his friend's' uncontrollable laughter and put his head in his hands.

Sitting on the floor, leaning against his bed and staring at Remus, James brushed away a tear of mirth. 'But Moony, I think you may be missing something…' he said slowly while Mooney waited apprehensively, 'you haven't told us where your clothes are.'

Sirius looked like he had died and gone to heaven, _it just got better._

'I was hoping the first half of the story would distract you…ok I'm going to tell you once and promise me you'll _never_ bring it up again. Promise?' Remus looked seriously at each of them.

'Oh we _solemnly _swear,' James said with a hand on his heart.

'YOU DIDN'T BANG HER DID YOU?' Sirius suddenly shouted excitedly.

'Yes and I let her keep all my clothes as a token of the wonderful night we had together. No doubt she has them framed and hanging behind the bar at this very moment,' Remus said sarcastically.

James snorted in amusement.

'No. As she didn't respond particularly enthusiastically, I decided to up my suave-ness. So I thought, what could _possibly _be more suave than a pick up line? And the answer appeared to me through a hazy fog of Firewhiskey and rum – _get naked. _Seemed so logical at the time, I mean what mature and beautiful woman wouldn't look at a skinny naked teenage boy and think "_oh dayum I would most certainly enjoy hitting that_"? And so I waited until she went back to the stock room as I still had the tiniest hint of common sense left in my brain telling me that doing it in public would be a _bad _idea, and yet I rationalised following her naked into a dark room while she was alone would be met with instant attraction and arousal on her part.' Remus rolled his eyes. 'Of course any sober idiot would be well aware how she would react – she screamed, disarmed me and chased me up the road screaming curses that I miraculously managed to dodge – probably due to how I wasn't capable of running in a straight line. And so I am left naked and wandless and I will have to return in the imminent future to retrieve my wand and hopefully my dignity.' He sighed and lay back down on his head, moaning.

James and Sirius were still laughing by the time Peter arrived back, looking marginally better but his mouth twitched, a rat like characteristic that gave his emotions away, he was anxious. Hoping to divert the unwanted attention away from him, Remus brought it up. 'What's wrong Wormy?' Then he noticed the blood-red envelope in his hand, 'Oh no, who's that from?'

'Lily.'

James immediately stopped laughing and whipped his body around to face Peter. 'Lily? Did you say Lily? Why is she writing to you?' He glanced at Sirius and coughed. 'Uh that's cool.' He sat back down but darted another look at the envelope in his hand.

'I bumped into her in the common room and she wanted me to deliver it, she charmed it so it only opens for you,' Peter handed over the envelope which James had to struggle not to snatch it out of his hand.

'A howler is it? I bet she's a howler,' Sirius smirked, winking at Peter.

'Sod off,' James glared at him, fingering the envelope.

'Well go on, open it. We're going to hear it anyway even if you leave the room.'

James looked at it a moment longer before it started smoking, he quickly ripped it open-

'_JAMES POTTER LAST NIGHT WAS THE LAST STRAW! I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE A BIG-HEADED, IDIOTIC TOE-RAG BUT I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ALSO A SEXIST PIG. HOW DARE YOU COME UP TO ME AND SAY "__DO YOU WANT TO COME TO THE SHRIEKING SHACK – WE SHOULD DO SOME SHRIEKING OF OUR OWN" __I BET YOU AND YOUR MINIONS WERE LAUGHING ALL ABOUT IT WEREN'T YOU BECAUSE YOU THINK IT'S SOOOO COOL._ _I'VE TOLD ALL MY FRIENDS ABOUT THIS SO DON'T EXPECT ANY LUCK WITH GIRLS IN FUTURE AS IF ANY OF THEM WOULD BE DESPARATE TO GO OUT WITH _YOU. _NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.'_

The letter burst into flames. James stared blankly at its ashes. He kneaded his forehead with his knuckle. 'I forgot I said that.' His voice sounded small and even Sirius knew not to laugh.

'Well at least it didn't arrive in the Great Hall,' Lupin tried to sound optimistic.

'She was going to do that but she told me she didn't want the teachers overhearing,' Peter replied.

'Oh.'

Sirius clapped his hands together, 'So Wormy we have all described our stories of woe and on my behalf, celebration, so now it's your turn. What did you get up to wormiest of tails?'

'Got pissed.'

'Ah,' Sirius looked disappointed in him and shot a look at James. 'James, I have a few lines that might be able to win her back.'

'I don't think I'll be taking advice from you any time soon,' James muttered.

'James, hear me out! I'll give you a few and if you don't like them, fine. These are a few beauties that I have yet to whip out and will gladly bestow them on you in the winning over of Evans.'

James sighed. Sirius took that as permission to proceed.

'Have you been using the _Petrificus__Totalus _spell? Because you're making me stiff.'

'I can't see that going down too well to be honest.'

'Ok, ok, I have more – she was just Myrtle before I came along.'

'I'm thinking _no.'_

'Tough crowd,' Sirius muttered, 'You know Platform 9 and 3/4? I can think of something else with those measurements.'

'No.'

'That would work better with a wink.'

'No.'

'It's an innuendo.'

'I realised.'

'For your dick. An innuendo for your dick.'

'_Sirius!'_

Sirius rubbed his hands together, 'Ok think we'll need to change tactics.'

'_We're _not doing anything.'

'My love for you burns like a dying phoenix.'

James paused and glanced at Remus, both had their eyebrows raised, 'Not bad.'

'You like _that?' _Sirius questioned miraculously.

'Keep it coming.'

Sirius rolled his eyes, '_Now _you want my help. Ok how about.. "are you using the Cruciatus Curse because you're torturing me!" I quite like that one because she has been torturing you pretty much since first year.'

James paced the room, nodding and thinking to himself. 'Ok men. Operation Get Lily's Forgiveness is a Go.'

'_Not again,' _the three boys moaned.

**So really not sure if you'll like it but I really hope you do! So this is the end and to repeat myself thank you so much everyone for reading!**

**I will now shamelessly mention that I am on tumblr (thegolden-rule) and will welcome followers which I of course will follow back. If you have no interest in following me it is quite ok and ah, if any of you have/are going to use these pickup lines I would really enjoy hearing about the reaction you were greeted with!**

**Thank and buy x**


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